Kids, No Chaser

Happy Mothers Day: Now I've Done It

Thursday, June 01, 2006 posted by Henri

So yeah like Mothers day came and went and due to popular demand I need to share with humanity the gift I created for my rad wife. Let me preface this by sharing a little moment in time a few weeks ago as I vaguely recall it...

So I'm cooking steaks and it's poker night and its raining so I actually own a Foreman and so we got ribeyes going and Its me and my east bay fellow dads, Puffy aka puff daddy aka P. Desi, Faye Dunaway and our buddy Afghanistan and we're talking about our man Su not being able to make it and Afghanistan he's looking a little green around the gills but we're talking...

Me: Yo Afghanistan your not looking so good.
Puffy: Yeah bitch leave your money and go home.
Afghanistan: Is that a joke? Am I laughing? Faye am I laughing right now?
Faye Dunaway: He's not laughing.
Me: Yo puff he's not laughing.
Afghan: I'm not laughing.
Puffy: Your not laughing.
Faye Dunaway: there's no way he's laughing right now.

(Ten minutes later)

Me: Nope he's not laughing.
Afghanistan: Last time I checked I'm still not laughing.
Puff: I thought I heard you laughing just now a little bit but quietly like ninja laughing.
Faye Dunaway: Only ninja's can hear ninja laughing.
Puff: Exactly, thats what I'm saying here, you got to read between the lines Faye F'ing Dunaway.
Me: Say it right bitch its Faye Dunaway. Like this... faydunaway. And no way you're a ninja.
Puff: Just cook the meat bitch.
Me: This aint ninja meat so you're no ninja.
Afghanistan: What the hell is Ninja meat.
Faye Dunaway: If you don't know then you're definitely not a ninja.
Puff: Hey so is your wife gonna eat with us?
Me: No, she's not a mans.
Puff: Hahaha no seriously.
Me: No seriously no, I'm Korean remember?
Afghanistan: Oh that reminds me I brought some stuff for us to do later.
Puffy: Oh yeah me too it's in the car.
Me: Oh yeah what you guys bring?
Faye Dunaway: Just some scrapbooking stuff.
Me: Hahahaha thats F'ing funny hahaha....hey wait a sec.......Aww #$%@& F#454 you guys.

So yeah they had gotten wind from Faye Dunaways wife about the gift I got my cute cool-ass wife. And so now I had to hear about it all night.

So heres the gift. I wanted to make our blog into a book since it had all of Conman's highlights. But I didn't have enough time to do it the right way so I had to get all ghetto and print it out. Ok so then I need to put it into a photo album and heres when things went horribly wrong. They don't sell those old school photo albums anymore where you lift up that sticky sheet and stick your photos on that sticky flypaper stuff. So I'm in Walmart (where I buy all my fine gifts) and I'm confused and I actually ask an associate about those albums and she says "No thats not in the photo album section. What you're looking for is over there in that section" and she points her finger and I follow it with my eyes and then to my disbelief I see where she's pointing to...crafts. And I'm like whatchootalkingboutwillis because thats a bunch of BS all I want is a photo album with sticky flypaper stuff and she's sending my to a place with foam balls and tiny stickers. So to make a long story short I had to buy a scrapbook to put all the printouts in. And before you judge me just remember...I really love my wife and I really love my kid. And I'd do it all over again, but with more glitter next time. Here are the fabulous results. Hmm sarcasm doesn't translate well in blogs.

Yeah and to Faye Dunaway: Ninja deez nutz.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

the sticky albums are at biglots! but the scrapbooks are much more tasteful. soon you'll be into handmade papers:)

12:05 AM

Blogger Henri said...

That's not funny.

10:47 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...


3:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a thoughtful idea i wanna bind our blog together! i think what you did for wifey makes you more of a man, not less of one. :)

p.s. hi cindy!

9:34 PM


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