Kids, No Chaser

Dad Ka-noledge year 1

Friday, May 26, 2006 posted by Henri

OK I've been a Dad for 1 year (Still no giant 1 candles available) and here's what I've learned.

(crickets chirping)

Hahahaha oh that's an oldie but goodie from my BBS days. Yeah that's right BBS dagnabit. I'm an OLD OLD man who as a youth used to use the ol' BBS. And yeah I had a C64, then Amiga, then IBM. That's why I don't play any online games because I used to have a dependency problem with them back when it was ALL TEXT. Can you believe that? There was this game called tradewars which to me was pure crack and this pure crack was composed of words on a screen period. No graphics just words. Words like "You have 965,324 fighters" (that's right bitches, I said 965,324 mofo fighters). And I would write scripts that would actually play the game for me (not tradewars but like mmud) while I was at school playing streetfighter2. And then one day I said enough...I have a problem. SO even today I refuse to start anything with any online component to it. No W.O.W. no Evercrack no....hey wait a sec. I've been blogging a lot lately. afk.
re all.
Damn that's all still funny in a sad loser type way. But jeeze kids these days with the myspace and the text messaging, and who knows what kind of slang they use now...oh wait. Actually it was back in MY days that we came up with leet and 1337 and man these kids these days don't even know what the hell leet ever originally meant. Hmmm let me check wiki. brb. Wow, wikipedia has it pretty much right so I guess all kids these days need to do is check wiki and they'll be up on all that old history. Ok my bad. Wait a sec I am wayy off topic here. Dad knowledge right. Here's what I've learned in a year:

poop is like air or mushrooms. Nothing weird about it.

skulls are good. nature's little helmets.

Dr. Ferber runs a pediatric sleep center

I'm a morning person.

My kid likes me more than the cat but less than Mom.

I'm really anal about how a diaper should be put on.

Don't give your wife a mother's day presents in front of the wife of your poker buddy, especially if they are slightly gayish presents.

I'm not gay.

There are a lot of dadblogs but mine is a hybrid.

Kids love poker chips more than the wiggles (ok maybe just my kid)

That plastic the newspaper comes in is good for throwing out diapers.

There are soundsoothers sold at your local drugstore for like 34 cents. Don't buy them from sharperimage just because it has the "Manhattan" setting (which still totally kicks ass).

Having kids saves a ton of money because you no longer give a crap about what car you drive.

Have some sympathy for treating uveitis patients because q2h all night long is truly teh suxxor (waking up every 2 hours with a new baby is absolutely insane).

some women have babies really really fast

Coming soon...a review of all the baby crap we bought over the last year.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

amusing & enlightening as usual, although all that video game talk went right over my head! i'm eagerly awaiting your next post re: baby buys!

10:01 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You need to add some description of your 'gay' mom's day gift ... or I will.

8:11 PM

Blogger Henri said...

Hey Scott,

Drop dead.

Gay Love,

10:46 PM


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