Kids, No Chaser

I Play Keyboards

Saturday, March 10, 2007 posted by Henri

"I play Keyboards”

Yeah. That’s it. That’s the single most ridiculously retarded thing I have ever said in my life so far. There are a few close seconds.

“Do you think I need more Sun-In?”
“Do you like my bolo tie?”
“No way man, my 16th birthday party is gonna be like totally Black-Tie”
“I would die for you (all in interpretive hand signals while dancing)”

But being an Asian teenager in the 80’s gave you a 9 in 10 chance that when you started your band you would play the Keyboards. I found my Keyboards in the garage the other day and I passed it down to my son. He looked at it and then turned to me and said…”Odoo, I daa?” which means…umm, Dad I’m no dork. But he took a look around and saw that none of his friends were here to see him and he began to play. And play…and play. Soon he figured out how to turn it off and on. And that became cooler than pressing the keys.

Press one key to check if it’s on.
Press one key to check that it’s off.

I finally had to take it away from him. Oh and then I had to play Enola Gay. And then I had to sing it. And my wife she had to be seriously, seriously impressed.

Wife: Is that Gay?
Me: Yes it's Enola Gay!
Wife: No I said, That's Gay.
Me: Yes! Enola Gay!
Wife: Forget it...just keep playing sweetheart.
Me: Yes! Enola Gay!

Ummm, yeah.

I can’t wait until my boy is ten years old (because by then ten will be the new thirteen which is currently the new 21) and I bust out Enola Gay when his homies are over. Oh wait…and I can’t wait to call them Homies. Oh no even better I’ll ask if they’re his posse.

“Hey Posse of Homies? I bet you didn’t know that Conman’s Dad could bust out OMD on the Keyboards!”

What’s the term? Scarred for life? OMD? More like OMFG your Dad is a total Dork. Ahhh good times. Good times. Well just today MetroDad reminded me of the fact that it will be twenty years ago that U2 released the Joshua Tree album. That’s more than half my life ago. I remember the first thing I did after listening to it 5000 times in a row was learn how to play With or Without You on the Keyboards. And then I couldn’t wait until I could somehow do this in front of a girl.

Me: “Hey you like U2?”
Girl: “Yeah”
Me: “Me 2.”
Girl: “And you are?”
Me: (Casually whipping out my Keyboards) “Oh me? They call me um...Henri”
Girl: “ you always carry that thing around?”
Me: “...through the storm we reach the shore...”
Girl: “That thing takes batteries? What am I doing talking to you...I’m Audi.”
Me: “I’m in a band”
Girl: “Yeah?”
Me: “I play Keyboards.”
Girl: “No-Duh, Bye”

Ahhhh...good times. Good times.

In all seriousness though, music was different then. Being a teenager is like being a tourist in life. So many things that you have heard begin to experience. And with this crazy background of new experiences and emotions you add music, and it's glorious. I remember listening to The about throwing gasoline on an angst fire....The Cure, Jesus and Mary Chain, Bauhaus, Joy Division...and what the hell was it about writing band names on everything. I wrote The Smiths on everything I owned. Can someone explain that to me? I like this band I'm going to write it's name everywhere I can. On my pants. On my folder. Carved into my arm. I mean seriously WTF?

In the end I was saved from the Keyboards later that year when I first heard a local band named Jane’s Addiction. As they world was never the same again.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I always laugh when I come here. Thanks Keyboard Man.

5:28 AM

Blogger Leighton @ My Best Investments said...

When I was in middle school I thought being a keyboard guy with one of those keyboards you wear around your neck would be the pinnacle of coolness.

The only problem is I would have had no idea how to play the thing.

I think the keyboard-guitar thing will make its comeback, and when it does, guys like you will be in position to win.

Your blog is hilarious. Keep up the good work!

10:28 AM

Blogger honglien123 said...

This makes me so glad that I missed the 80s as a teenager and was never "trendy".

Although, the thing about Enola Gay. I had to look up the song because I read that and thought, "he played a WWII bomber? wha?"

11:49 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Killin' me today're always good for a few laughs. glad to hear I'm not the only parent mulling over the music thing with the kids.

Me: I was a Bass player--used to play bass in a band back in the day. Check this out....bzzz..(amp blows).
Daughter: what's a bass?
Me: You know, that guitar that goes, "dum, dum-dum dum, dum-dum-dum-dum, dummmmmm".
Daughter: OMG you are such a total dork. I must run and hide.
Me: Yes, it's true. and I can't wait to humiliate you in front of your friends when they come over. "hey, let me plug in and thrill you with Dum, dum-dum....."
Daughter: Aaaaaaargh--the searing pain of 80's. what, did you have a mullet, too?

OK, she's not old enough and cheeky enough to give me that much grief, but all in good time....

2:21 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

ahhh, 80's music . . . i was just on the verge of being too young for it, but thankfully my older sister was the per-fect age and i, in turn, got it too!

OMD! LOL! now i'm going to have to play the "80's cheese" playlist on my ipod as i vaccuum . . . 'i was only dreamin' . . ."

4:35 PM

Blogger Jen aka Evilynmo said...

I always went for the woodwind players. I love your blog, I got here by way of Daddy in a Strange Land.

7:35 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

YOU have the keyboard!!
I was looking for that thing! Mom was looking for it too! She thought someone stole it from the garage.
Ok, remember to teach Conor DM's "I just cant get enough" too...

2:23 AM


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