CN'R: Hawaii 510 Edition

We did it. We finally did it. The CnR family actually went on vacation. I am a workaholic...after my little clinic got acquired by a gigantic corporation I have this fascinating lifestyle in which instead of money I get paid in these strange items called benefits and vacation days. As an immigrant child of immigrant parents and a super workaholic father the first thing I thought when I looked at my benefits was man o man this corporation is absolutely insane. As a slave-driving ruthless cheap-ass dictator of an employer I would never have given myself time off. But now I bask in poverty sprinkled with these delectable little items called vacation days. Oh wait...here's an important announcement:

Dear Internet,

Thank you for visiting us here at my tiny corner of mental diarrhea. Hmm that sounds not so good. Let's try again...Thank you, all of you (yes all nine of you) who take the time to stop by here every now and then to visit our wacky little parenting world. We want you to be the first to know that Senior Corndog and Mrs. Rootbeer have just found out that we are 7 months pregnant. Holy crap! It really is amazing that me and the Mrs. have the strange ability to manufacture tiny human beings. I mean have you ever really sat down and thought about it? Two people can make a third person. And it's free. Sorry that's the cheap-ass part of me fascinated by the fact that it's free. Sure sure we upgrade with add-ons like Prenatal care and hospital delivery and food and clothing and shelter for the new baby and all that stuff...but it's really cool that the actually production of this human being is pretty much free. So now I get to start campaigning for all the supercool names that I want that I know my wife will reject:

Lareynadelosangeles
Heroin
Aoife
Liv
Lux
Fiera
Matilda
Sniper
Bangladesh
Fudge
Lafemmenikita
Brodie-Armstrong
Brooklyn

Oh so back to the story...

So my wife is like 7 months preggers and she has been hounding me about taking a vacation. My usual response is oh just close your eyes and remember our honeymoon in Ireland or as I call it...HOME, it's like your really there! To which she usually makes this funny face while mouthing horrible insults. I usually close my eyes by then and smile while telling her "Look we're in Ireland! Oh look I see the green hills! I see the sheep! I'm drinking Guinness and Bulmers! Hey wait someone just punched me!" Its ok she hits like a pregnant girl.

So we decide to do it and she picks Hawaii. I say screw that we're gonna go hang in Manhattan with MetroDad and I'm gonna build his kitchen and drink a lot. She hits me again. So Hawaii it is! I do the plane math with the Constar and think...crap 5.5 hours on a plane. That would be the longest flight he's taken. In light of recent traveling infants in the news I begin to think...hmmm there's beaches in California right? But my wife deserves a vacation...she is married to me after all which is not a walk in the park.

So here we go...

Day 1:
Get to airport. We randomly bump into globetrotting styling mofo and almost neighbor Peachboy who's catching a business trip to Kansas. Peachboy is one stylin dude who has been known to hang with Jimmy Choo. I keep meaning to ask him to start buying two of everything he buys from now on because I want to be cool like him. He buys us lunch. Little did we know how important that lunch would be because our cheap ass airline ATA does not offer food. Ok fine, that's ok with me. But wait...no peanuts either. Damn that's cheap. To this very day I still can't believe they couldn't give us a peanut. Oh well.

Didn't have time to make Constar a custom t-shirt for the plane like I had planned. Here were the slogans (um totally 100% hella copyrighted by me damnit):

AirTrans: Kids Fly Free

Earplugs $100

I'm Going to Hawaii Bitch

Yes I'm On Your Flight

Preboarding Owns You

Yes I'm In First Class, Now You Cry

Doody Free

We were a little daunted at the prospect of flying so long with the kid so we actually bought him his own ticket. I tried to figure out how the hell I was going to lug his car seat around until I figured out that I could actually strap it to his stroller. This was freakin awesome. Added bonus was the fact that he looked like he was rolling around in used fighter jet ejection seat.

So the flight wasn't too bad...if you've never brought your carseat on a plane...man o man it makes a world of difference. The kid kinda knows he's SOL when he's sitting in it so he kinda resigns himself to the fact that he can't really do much. He was pretty cool the entire flight there and back. Amazing.

I kept wondering how I would feel being on vacation and having a whole week off. Nothing could prepare me for how I felt when I stepped out of the airport into the fragrant warm air of Honolulu. I felt the grime of 5 years of working 6 days a week being softly lifted from me by little Hawaiian pixies. I have to stop working. I have to stop working. I have to stop working so damn much.

So the week consisted mainly of visiting family and friends and lounging at the beach. No real plans, no itinerary, just us and the sun and the ocean and the fish. Perfecto.

A few highlights:

Trying to emulate Japanese Tourist Fashion while strolling down Waikiki. The wife got it pretty close with her white and orange Puma's paired with high socks and striped maternity polo.

Trying to construct a business theorem that explains how ABC stores are impervious to same store cannibalization. Coach is in the same boat because on a three block stretch we saw four of them. I mean wtf do you really need four Coach stores on 3 blocks? "I'm so glad this Coach store opened. Before that I used to have to trek across the freakin street. That's like at least 15 steps."

Giovanni's White Shrimp Truck. We drove through two hours of awful island traffic (worse than LA traffic) to get to this place which was on the opposite side of Oahu. Worth every minute. The garlic shrimp are really really freaking good. Served from a beat up old truck with writing scribbled all over it. There are three shrimp trucks in the area...go to the right one.

Leonards Bakery. Ahhh the Malasada. Portuguese fried doughball of deliciousness. Get em plain with sugar or custard filled. Man those are good.

Matsumoto's Shave Ice. Of course. No brainer. Ice Cream + Shave Ice + Condensed milk on top? Are you kidding me? How can you not go here?

Eating lunch with retirees at a crazy cheap buffet named Smorgy's. We tried to come up with marketing quotes after eating here. We came up with "It's Fast!" "It's nice to sit after walking all day!" "I'm Full Now!" Besides how could you not eat at a place called Smorgy's no matter how god awful it is?

Conman LOVES Hawaiian chicks.

And the absolute most important thing that I learned, am learning and continually strive to learn...I need to stop working so much. A day of my life is worth more than a day's pay. I'll say it again...

A day of my life is worth so much more than a day's pay. I will eventually accept this. Here's something to help me remember: