Kids, No Chaser

Great Things to Fight About #234834

Thursday, August 09, 2007 posted by Henri

Anatomy of Domestic Disaster (Author’s Version)

4:56 Phone rings when I'm with a patient, can't answer.
6:45 Step out of office on my way home
Ohh look a minivan!
6:45 Check my phone for messages
6:47 Get into Ferrari Helicopter listening to messages
6:48 No messages from wife (extremely important part of story)
6:49 Start driving
6:55 Call wife, no answer
6:55 Accidentally drop phone on passenger seat floor stuck on speakerphone
6:56 Leave message for wife on speakerphone telling her that I just dropped my phone on the passenger seat floor.
6:57 Record driving sounds for my wife since I can’t reach the phone and it’s stuck recording a message for her.
6:58 Have imaginary conversation with mistress pretending that I am unaware that speakerphone is on.
7:10 Imaginary drop off mistress in front of her house.
7:11 Imaginary leave the car for 15 minutes
7:26 Imaginary come back to car, start car, start driving back home.

Ooohhh crap I made all that up. Bad blogger bad bad blogger.

6:58 Slam on brakes as giant Mazinger Z lands on freeway
6:58 Weep for joy

Damn stop it.

6:58 Hum a little
7:15 Keep driving in slow traffic.
7:30 Get home, pick up phone off of floor.
7:31 Open door to an empty house.
7:32 Sigh loudly
7:33 Sit hungry at empty table
7:34 Call wife
7:34 Curse wife for not answering her phone
7:34 Leave polite and loving message about being home and wondering where the family is.
7:35 Plug phone into charger (unaware that the ringer is off)
7:36 Heat up left over KFC (Korea’s Fried Chicken)
7:37 Open Bud Lite
7:37 Curse Bud Lite for being sucky
7:37 Start thinking really hard about why I keep buying Bud Lite
7:37 Curse the powers of Marketing
7:38 Worry about where the family is
7:38 Worry why there’s no message on my phone
7:38 Worry why there’s no note left at the house
7:39 Turn on TIVO
7:40 Jump up in joy spewing chicken and beer and run over to ConMan’s Sit-Here-to-Watch-TV pillow.
7:41 Begin Watching LA Ink.
7:42 Keep muttering FugginawesomradsohappyLAisRAD
7:43 Cry a little, pour a little Bud Lite on my living room floor muttering something about my Homies in Los Angeles
7:50 Get really pissed and worried where the hell everybody went
7:51 House Phone Rings
7:51 Wife is at Faydunaways and Family’s house eating a delicious Lasagna dinner asking why I didn’t join them.
7:51 Get pissed why she wouldn’t answer her cell phone, why she wouldn’t leave a message on my cell phone, why she wouldn’t try calling the house.
7:52 Think about delicious lasagna.
7:53 Think about how 5 out of my last 6 meals have been Korea's Fried Chicken.
8:15 Wife gets home
8:16 She wants to fight
8:16 Run Downstairs to my bar
8:17 Put on fighting hat
8:17 Viking Horns get stuck in the doorway coming out of the bar.
8:17 Turn Fighting hat 90 degrees
8:17 Make it out of the bar
8:18 Run upstairs
8:19 Fight Fight Fight
8:25 Put Kids to Bed while silent fighting, like with just eyeballs fighting sort of and lots of mouthing
8:45 Fight Fight Fight
10:30 Sleepy fight
11:30 Snoring fight


Anatomy of Domestic Disaster (Cindy’s Version as told by Henri)

4:55 Dinner plans to have dinner over with Faydunaway and his wife and kids
4:56 Call husband to tell him to go to the Faydunaway’s for dinner, no answer, decide not to leave message because he supposedly never listens to his messages anyways so why bother.
5:56 Call Husband No Answer
5:56 Wonder if I just heard the soft click of a bloglight turning on far far away.
6:57 Call Husband No answer
6:58 Call Husband No answer
6:59 Call Husband No answer
7:00 Call Husband No answer
7:01 Call Husband No answer
7:02 Call Husband No answer
7:03 Call Husband No answer
7:04 Call Husband No answer
7:05 Call Husband No answer
7:06 Call Husband No answer
7:07 Call Husband No answer
7:08 Call Husband No answer
7:09 Call Husband No answer
7:10 Call Husband No answer
7:11 Call Husband No answer
7:12 Call Husband No answer
7:13 Call Husband No answer
7:14 Call Husband No answer
7:15 Call Husband No answer
7:16 Call Husband No answer
7:17 Call Husband No answer
7:18 Call Husband No answer
7:30 Call Husband No answer
7:45 Call Husband No answer
7:51 Finally decide to call the house in utter frustration, He's at HOME!!!?!?!?!
8:15 Finish Dinner, pack up kids, go home
8:16 Look at smiling husband trying to tell me something about the Tivo
8:16 Pick a fight
8:17 Win fight, husband runs to his bar
8:18 Husband is back for more, but this time wearing strange hat
8:19 Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight
8:25 Put kids to bed
8:26 Fight on
8:30 – Midnight: Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight win Fight


Labels:

10 Comments:

Anonymous Dan said...

Nothing to say really other than I really enjoyed that.

I got to get me one of those fighting hats.

4:22 PM

 
Blogger Cindy said...

you forgot
8:30 semi-makeup from dinner fight then full launch into manju fight
8:35 seething look at last uneaten bite of manju
8:40 vow to not eat last bite, go downstairs to engage in knitting therapy
10:40 come back upstaiurs, eat manju

5:01 PM

 
Anonymous MetroDad said...

Real Korean men eat Popeyes.

By the way, does wearing the Viking hat help when fighting your spouse? During domestic squabbles, I've been wearing my sailor's hat. Not really working for me.

5:39 PM

 
Blogger Henri said...

Damnit woman I just got over fighting and you have to go and post a comment about the manju fight which was totally all your fault anyway and I'm at work right now and I don't have my fighting hat here to wear while type-fighting you right now so I have a stupid napkin on my head instead and it's not giving me my normal fighting power. That Manju was ALL MINE!!!!!!! And I'd eat it all over again in a heartbeat!!!!!!!

Arrgrgrgggggg

PS: For our readers out there, yes there was a subfight within the cellphone fight over me eating all the Manju, which is like a ricecake thing.

5:49 PM

 
Blogger Whit said...

turn on your bloglight, didn't Neil Diamond sing that?

9:47 PM

 
Blogger Katie said...

Oh no! A cellphone fight and a manju fight?! That can't be good. What's this I hear about knitting?

11:19 PM

 
Blogger halfmama said...

Damn. You guys give good fight.

6:09 AM

 
Anonymous R2Dad said...

between Sleepy fight and Snoring fight should be Makeup Sex to resolve accumulated tensions. But maybe that doesn't work if food is involved.

10:43 AM

 
Anonymous R2Dad said...

...or maybe it's even BETTER because food is involved? Can manju have a creamy custard filling like nye wong bau or mochi? Makes for a yummy snack/body topping....

1:29 AM

 
Blogger lf said...

manju fight! i think that's what they say on street fighter right before the action starts. hehehe...

12:21 PM

 

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