Kids, No Chaser

This is the Best Damn Lettuce in the Whole Damn World

Saturday, June 09, 2007 posted by Henri

Yeah lettuce damnit. If you know me at all you know I hate fruit. And vegetables aren't exactly my favorites either. But you know what I do love? Little House on the Prairie. That's right damnit. Little House on the Mofo Prairie. That Charles Ingalls dude is my idea of real effing badass Dad and Father. OK I'll admit I haven't really watched a lot of Little House, and so I might be called out by true Little Fans but what little I have seen has taught me a few things about this man...this Mr. Ingalls.

1) Dude can build a house with his own two hands.

OK yeah I know...can you say no permits? Imagine a land with no building permits required. That's awesome...all the crazy rickety crap I could build. Amazing. But it's not enough to build a house, that dude Mr. Ingalls worked at a sawmill...he made his own lumber to build his own house. That's impressive.

2) Dude can farm.

After a long day of working at the sawmill there's nothing I look forward to more than plowing 5 acres of farmland with like one mule and a homemade plow.

3) Dude be pious.

Like this one time his son (where the hell did a son come from? This is harder to follow than Lost) was sick and so he had to go into the woods and build a giant tower to God which got hit by lightning and then Albert lived I think. Something like that...but he had to make his own cement.

4) Dude likes to fight.

This man is downright surly. Punches everybody. Bruce Banner has nothing on him. You push a housebuilding pious farming's-my-second-job man too far and you're gonna get punched in the face.

5) Dude can play a mean fiddle.

Ummm...yeah not too sure why this is important to being a good Father and husband unless...oh Damn did he build his own fiddle?

6) Dude comes up with kick-ass nick names.

Half-pint? Thats so much better than me calling my son 40oz.

Damn I guess I watched a lot more Little House than I thought. Then again I watched so much TV as a kid I could say that about any show circa 1977 and on. Damn remember BJ and the Bear? That was a good show. Here's the pitch.

semi truck + monkey = Emmy

Oh man how the hell did I end up talking about BJ and the Bear? What I really wanted to say is that I just had some really good lettuce the other day. So being a parent really changes everything...umm duh. So it's all about taking the small free time that we have and making the most of it. One of the benefits of living in food obsessed Northern California is the fact that there are a lot of local farms that will deliver to your door. So we signed up for one and here's the booty...

So every two weeks we get a mystery box of fruit and veggies from a local organic farm delivered to our door. And for the amount of money we're paying for this service I hope all them farm kids are going to Harvard because it is seriously butt-expensive. This of course supplements the farm fresh organic fruit and veggies we get at the Ferry Plaza Farmer's market but with the box you get to play Iron Chef and scream...Chioggia Beeeeeeeeeeets!!!!!!!!!!! But beyond the fun of screaming Chioggia Beets, I'll have to admit that the stuff actually is worth it because as I've mentioned, even the lettuce tasted better. How you do that is beyond me, lettuce is pretty much all water. It's just fun really. The idea of this little farm delivering it's food to my door is something to look forward to. And as jaded as I am from being a Marketing grad student consultant, I have the ability to suspend my disbelief once every two weeks as me and the wife and the kid and the baby gather around our little box and put our hands where the box tells us to and open a bunch of vegetables and fruits to the accompanying oohs and ahhs and "eat fejetaboos!" of the little ones as Dad screams out "BATTLE LACINATO KALE!!!!!!!!". And I didn't even mention the fact that I could have sworn the guy driving the delivery van looked a lot like this guy...


Blogger honglien123 said...

Dude, Michael Landon was awesome. I remember him from Highway to Heaven. I'll save the old joke for later. Your carrots look so good it's obscene, but what the heck do you make with lacinato kale anyway?

9:19 AM

Blogger Henri said...

You make blog posts out of them

11:39 PM

Blogger Henri said...

Or this...
via Toast

11:50 PM

Blogger daddy in a strange land said...

Dude, you suck. We're stuck in Bakersfield, where agribusiness owns all the land (full of export carrots) and the farmer's market has like 5 stands.

Jealous... :)

But lacinato kale, a.k.a. black kale, or black Tuscan kale, or dinosaur kale, is awesome! We actually do have a backyard farmer at the market who grows some for me sometimes, and I use it everywhere you'd use a leafy green. Chiffonade it, parboil it for 5 min., drain, then saute in olive oil with garlic and red pepper flakes and toss with pasta. Or do the same preparation and mash it into smashed potatoes with more garlic and olive oil. Mmmmm...

8:18 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

one word to your lacinato kale and DiSL's suggestion:
steak. chif as suggested, saute with garlic, shallots and simmer a touch with chicken broth . . . make bed for steak on big ass plate 'cause it's gonna get sexy.

you guys out in north cal suck and get all the good stuff. our farmer's markets are a bit . . . limited. =(

10:54 AM

Blogger honglien123 said...

Wow...and here I thought all kale was good for was as a garnish for sandwiches to sit on.

12:59 PM

Blogger Henri said...

So we finally had the kale with some penne with lamb sausage and pine nuts. Wow, good stuff.

11:18 PM

Blogger daddy in a strange land said...

Forgot one name: cavolo nero! :)

8:50 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

henri, i can dig it. been considering joining one of those buyers clubs my own damn self. can't read pollan or kingsolver without considering my daily food choices.

i gotta say, whenever i hear folks waxing poetic about produce, i think to myself, "thems are some city folk." (i know you and diasl are urban brothers.) as someone who busted his ass harvesting fruit during hot summers, when i see produce, all i can think about is the work. i'm wistful for the farm living, but i can't get all worked up about carrots. i'm glad that you can and i'll leave y'all to it!

11:29 PM

Blogger Henri said...

Good because I'm bringing you some ribs tomorrow (been smoking all day today)

11:42 PM

Blogger daddy in a strange land said...


You guys suck.

Peachboy, dude, you mean you're not gonna write a Mas Masumoto-style memoir about your childhood and the soil in your veins? :) Heh.

10:05 AM

Blogger Henri said...

Peachboy does not have soil in his veins, he has terroir.

11:49 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The thing that gives my blood a distinctive place-specific umami is the high level of pesticides residing there from my involvement in the family agribusiness.

Henri, thank you in advance. I look forward to seeing your brood and food later today.

I enjoy Masumoto's writing. His experience is culturally resonant, however, his business model is unfamiliar to me. My memoir and subsequent biopic (where I'm played by John Cho) will not feature soft-focus shots of sun-ripened fruit or haiku about the scent of freshly-turned earth.

2:00 PM

Blogger daddy in a strange land said...

Okay, so where's the pictures of the food? You had your little party with us, now at least show me some pictures of food!!! ;)

8:32 AM

Blogger Unknown said...

So I read this post and then went off and did some other stuff, but I just realized that I have the Little House themesong stuck in my head. I guess I also watched more of that show than I realized.

12:21 PM

Blogger Brianna said...

CSAs Rock. Kale is good in Italian Wedding soup or sauted and mixed into scrambled eggs.

My CSA veggie problem is the roughly 3lbs of radishes they brought me last week...

8:49 AM


Post a Comment

<< Home