You Are My Julie

I was in 5th grade. Me and my buddy Mike had gotten his older sister to take us to the movies. It was a cold night...and we were warmed only by the fact that we were getting into an R-rated film. Little did I know, during the next two hours I was about to permanently form every notion I would ever hold about Love for the rest of my life. The year was 1983 and the film was Valley Girl.

Anyone who thinks for a second I am trying to be funny, seriously needs:

1) A good thrashing
2) To see this movie. Again.

Fast forward 15 years and I was....I kid you not....crashing an 80's valley girl theme party. I was wearing gigantic JNCO raver pants and wondering who's stupid idea it was to stop here before heading to Spundae when I saw my future wife in an asymmetric ponytail talking to other similarly dressed girls while her 80's decked boyfriend sat sullenly on a couch. Somewhere far off in my brain something seemed oddly familiar about this situation. This was interrupted by the overwhelmingly louder and more pressing question...What in god's name where we doing here????

We left. Quickly. No I did not turn around to sneak back and talk to that ponytailed girl. No we did not rush out to Hollywood, because we were in ummm Northern California. I guess I could have taken her to the Tenderloin, which is the closest thing to Hollywood I got up here. I strongly remember the plight of her boyfriend bedecked in 80's garb. I remember feeling really really bad for him. I remember thinking that there would be no way some girl could ever get me to do stupid things like that for her.

Fast forward 10 years and I'm married to her and blogging about making Christmas toffee. Who's laughing now eh??? You win 80's former boyfriend dude...you win by a mile.

Here's all I needed to know about love from the film Valley Girl.

Love Is Wonky: Yeah we're from two different worlds. That's the only way it works. Nerds and beauty queens. Punkers and Soc's. Fat and skinny. Tic Tac and Kodiak. Hollywood and the Valley. You and me. Of course we'd meet one day.

Real Love Deserves Grand Gestures: Ummm yeah. Do something stupid for those you love. Check. Happens all the time. Hell I blog about my kids. That's pretty lame. I know no shame. Love is embarrassing...and often. I may have never slept in your front yard, or taken a job at the local theater to pester you and your date, but I built you a bed to get you to go out with me and I once made toffee at your request. I told you I love you on the internet. That's pretty punk for a fat old former Kodiak chewing ex-Hollywood native with big-ass dusty raver pants still in his closet.

Music Is Everything: Our lives must always have a soundtrack. Keep the music on. Loud and Always.

When in Doubt Go To Du-Par's: Celebrate a new love or miss the one that got away with a cheeseburger, fries, milkshake and some precious time carved out of the chaos. The heart needs food. Apparently I have like 16 hearts or just one gigantic one because I am um...fat now.

Broken Heart? Hit the streets: Drunk in Hollywood nursing a broken heart. Repeat as needed. Haven't been back in awhile. Let's keep it that way.

If You're Cool You'll Hang Out at The Central (and listen to The Plimsouls): Now known as the Viper Room. Still my happy place.

Never Trust Blond Guys Doing Karate: Obviously. If still in doubt please see the Karate Kid.

In the End Love Will Sort Itself Out Just Right: In Hollywood at least. Strangely enough, I still await this to be proven wrong.

Happy Valentine's Day Baby. Like totally.