And For My Next Stunt...

David Blaine's got nothing on us. I mean c'mon...buried underground for a week, trapped in an ice cube for a few days, standing on a pole for awhile. Pshaw. Try parenting nonstop for four years. You just got pwned Blaine.

Yeah it finally happened. Me and the wife got our first real break from parenting in 4 years. We got away for a weekend without the kids.

You know that look on Blaine's face when they let him out of whatever box he's been in? That was us at the airport. That beat down look. Looking around and wondering how we got past security so quickly. Sitting on those swank Herman Miller airport seats with no kids to wrangle. No car seat turban on my head. No fights to pick with non-parental travelers. But just like Blaine coming out of some coffee can...you can't expect yourself to able to right yourself right away. You can't just wash 4 years of parenting off in the lavatory and come out skipping and ready to tear Las Vegas a new party hole. Hell you can't even stand fully upright for at least 48 hours.

So there we were, smiling at the ground, hunched over and waiting for our spines to erect. Holding hands in wonderment. Sitting at the airport with nothing to do but wait for our plane to pull in. Nothing. To. Do.

The silence was deafening. Peppered only by the phrase “Can you believe we're on our own???” repeated 763 times at the airport alone.

I bought a magazine.

The flight over was amazing. We had nothing to do other than flip pages and sip refreshing complementary tiny cheap drinks. I swear a ginger ale on a plane without having to wrestle your kids tastes like Shipwrecked 1907 Heidsieck.

We arrived and, hunched over, caught a cab when we stepped out into a warm Vegas night. We checked into our hotel pretty late. Sat in our room frozen. We were weighed down by so many possibilities we were immobilized.

Eventually I headed out to get some Canter's. I returned with two Reuben's. We ate them and promptly fell asleep. We were full and happy.

We slept as long as we wanted. Women, money, fame, booze? Naw....sleep. I'll take the sleep please. Two orders of all you can sleep sleepy sleeps. I was like Tony Montana with a giant desk topped with mountains and mountains of sleep. I was so full of sleep I could do anything. I was ready to take over this place. We checked out of our crash pad and lumbered across the street to the Palazzo. Things started to get interesting.

“Good morning Senior Corndog you will be staying at the Lago suite”

Cool
Wait a second that sounds weird.

“Yes sir we have upgraded you, unfortunately your room is not ready, please check back in 2 hours”

Sure.

Brunch me. I've always considered Bouchon to be Thomas Keller's version of Applebee's. Just a straightforward solid bistro that is not supposed to be anything more than that. Just like Applebee's is a straightforward solid suburban reminder that you have no better place to eat right now.

We love it at Bouchon. We had a few beignets and espressos. I followed this up with some roasted chicken and savory waffles. I noticed that my view of the patio and warm sunny day continued to improve throughout brunch. To our astonishment we were soon sitting fully upright. Our spines had begun the recovery process. We were finally decompressing.

We hit the craps tables.

“Baby needs a new pair of Robeez!”

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner. We got lucky, had a lot of fun, and soon had dinner money in hand. Well actually like a few months worth of dinners. We went back to check in.

“Sorry Senior Corndog your room is still not ready”

Hmmm...getting pissed here.

“Oh wait, it looks like it is just about done”

Getting better.

“We've upgraded your suite”

Got a lot better. Wait a sec...I thought I was already upgraded.

“So you mean the upgrade to the Lago suite?” I asked

“No sir, we've upgraded you again. Would you like to see the floor plan of your new suite?”

“Sure”

So the dude pulls out this big binder and flips a few pages.

“Here, sir, was your original suite...”

Nice. I'll take it. Wait...he flips a few pages.

“And here is the Lago Suite...”

Great, even better. Then the dude starts flipping more pages.

And more pages.

And more pages.

“And here, Sir, is the floor plan of your new suite.”

We were towards the end of the binder.

The floor plan had two pages.

I had a good feeling about this.

So we got our keys and made our way up to our floor. Walking down the hallway there was something bothering me that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Until I got the door. Then I realized.....these doors are all huge on this floor. And there are two of them.

Yup two big fat double doors to our suite. Keys goes in. Doors open. And then....

Holy crap.




Wow...thanks Venetian/Palazzo. Thanks for mistaking me for someone important.

Our suite was 1300 square feet. And $4900 a night. This is what I call an upgrade. It's also a great way to ruin every future trip to Vegas...because we're never going to get a place like this again. C'est la vie.

Now of course we didn't want to leave the suite. With an extra bedroom, I called up a few people to see if anyone wanted to fly out to Vegas RIGHT NOW. No Takers. Next time I'll post it on the blog.

So of course I had to turn on every TV in the place. I got to the bathroom and looked at the two TVs on either side of the sink vanity. Hmmm...why on earth were there two TVs here? I finally figure out that they were needed for viewers bathing on either side of the bathtub. Of course. Of course. If I put my head on this end I need that TV and if I rest my head on the other end I need another TV. That's like having a double ended fork. Redundant yet full of win.

So we tried to hang out in the suite all day and night. But eventually we got hungry....oh yeah we should eat huh?

Went to eat at N9ne at the Palms. Truffled Gnocci and a giant ribeye built for two. We rolled ourselves out of there cruised about a bit and eventually made our way back to our suite at the end of the night.

It was fun. And man were we due. We love this place and it had been waaaay too long since we had been here last. My wife loves the dice...and the dice have always loved her back.

The next morning I missed my kids really bad. Oddly the novelty was over. We had our fill and although it had been less than 48 hours away from the kids...it was starting to get a bit too long. Believe me it was really great and unbelievably awesome to jump from parenting to Vegas in a matter of hours. And normally here's where I would espouse some ranty fabled fatherhood stuff. But it was just a simple thing. I missed my kids. Everything about them. They're cool. And I was in withdrawal. The wife too. We saw it in each other eyes in the morning. We couldn't fly home fast enough and lift our kids high, cover them in kisses, and throw them on our backs again.

After breakfast of course.