We're Gonna Need More Bullets

Yeah time huh. It um...flies? As you can tell by my last post I've been in a bit of denial about the whole winter thing. In fact, what better way to ignore winter than to...ignore winter. So let me stretch here a little bit and put on my blogging slippers. Shake my head a bit to get the gears/marble rolling and begin explaining my absence.

My garage was a mess.

It's almost clean now. Wow what a chore. Don't believe me? Here's proof.



You know in all seriousness, I was talking to Peachboy the other day about not blogging and other than the fact that it is no longer the year 2006, the other second most valid explanation for my absence can be summed up in one word:

Defragmenting.

I'm defragmenting bro. I've got so many little odds and ends in my brain it's ridiculous. I'm like a mental packrat. I've had to make room for all of these little tidbits of info and along the way a few useless items have been misplaced. Like face recognition for anyone I went to high school with. Not a joke. They're all wiped out. My multiplication table. Completely misplaced. I have to do ridiculous mathematical gymnastics to derive 3x8. I know 3 * 10 – 6 = answer. Hmm I guess that's not really hard enough to be called mathematical gymnastics. Mathematical rythmic gymnastics maybe. And not the ribbon, maybe like that Ball thing.

I knew somewhere deep inside somehow that 2008 was going to be a bad year. And boy howdy it sure was. From the rise and fall of my gaming clan, to the financial meltdown, to the realization that my garage needs a thorough cleaning. Things have come to a head. I finished my MBA, my kid started preschool, I entered my 4th year of parenting, I finally came to the realization that I am STILL not back in Los Angeles (for the love of god why the hell am I still not in Los Angeles?????!?!?!!!). I had reached that point where my brain shuts down and my Life needed defragmenting. I figure my brain holds about maybe a meg of data. That little meg took a damn long time to defragment.

It really was caused by an upheaval of my schedule. Up until this year I had a great routine. Fix eyeballs. Go to night school. Parent. Blog. Oh and eat drink and all that other stuff.

But when grad school ended...I was set loose a bit. Just a little too much free time injected into my schedule.....and the wheels came off the bus. Plus there is that whole Los Angeles thing. I have finally accepted the fact that I am currently, at this present time, not in the city of Los Angeles. I know, I know, it's been 11 years since I've lived in LA but for those past 11 years I have refused to accept the fact that I am. Not. In. LA. Right. Now.

You see my BEING resides in that city. I am not a complete person outside of it. Scoff if you will. You can roll your eyes as much as you want. I've had strangers tell me that LA would be more than happy to have me back (I see what you did there by that smarmy remark by the way). It is nonetheless true. I don't care how much eye-rolling you do at me because as self-centered as you think Los Angeles is, as its proudest citizen, let me set the record straight by saying I don't give a damn what you think.

I kid. I kid. That was funny. Did you see what I did there? err nevermind.

Seriously, I have accepted the fact that I am not currently in the City of Los Angeles. It has entered my reality. I am no longer in denial. I am not happy about it. And one day I will be back home again. But for now...after years of therapy (or the cheap stuff they pass off as therapy outside of LA) I understand my current geography. I no longer stare in disbelief at my Nav. I no longer try to get to Pico from Mission. I no longer scream at every burrito vendor in this town for putting beans and rice in my burrito (seriously cut it out). I no longer tail octogenarian drivers to simulate traffic on the 10. I no longer hope and wish. I simply accept. And quietly wait. This world, if there is anything good in it, will steer me home one day.

/rant

I'm getting hella ranty in the Yay Area. Get me to a sideshow. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

/hyphy

OK ok ok . I am really happy that it is a new year. The wife and the kids and I, all have big plans. I plan to try to blog. It's like a journal but stupideer. My wife will try to ease up on being the reigning queen of Facebook. My boy has learned to tell a joke at the ripe age of 3.5 oh and he does a magic trick now too. Hilarious. The baby girl will try to stop taking out her biggest rival in world domination...her big brother. There will be a new president who used Yoda as his slogan writer.

“Change We Need”

WTF? Yoda???? I thought Bob the Builder's “Yes We Can” was good enough. Dude's connected, that's all I can say.

I mean what were the Yoda rejects?

“Win I Will”
“Vote for him You will not”
“Lose I Shalln't”
“Vote or Vote not, there is no try to vote for that other dude”
“Cool, Am I, Know I Do”

Sorry...got off track there.

My defragmenting has taken a bit longer than I thought. But I am running 37% faster now. Things are looking tidy around here, and I've got all the important bits in little cubbies. I am basically feeling really lean and mean. Finally. I have the feeling that this will be a really great year. So Happy New Year (yeah I know we're two weeks into it already get off my back).

I'm gonna post all the crap I did while on blogcation.



When I get to it.


Yeeeee-eeeeeeeeeeeeeee
















Maybe.