Kids, No Chaser

Sweet and Tender Hooligan

Saturday, May 03, 2008 posted by Henri

Ok in my defense you do have a bit of a reputation for crying wolf. Someone even looks at your train funny and you scream bloody murder....

"What happened little buddy?"
"My Train"
"What? Someone took your train?"
"No. Someone wants it."
"He wanted my train."
"But he didn't touch it?"

Hmmmm. So this morning I heard you crying in your room and I thought maybe you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed or maybe you were just announcing the fact that you have awoken and need to play some GTA4 because it's totally wait a sec, that would be me...yes GTA4 is totally awesome.

Anyway, I thought you were just trying to tell me you wanted the door opened. So I pop into your room and see you crying on the floor and I ask whats wrong and you mention something about some train's coal tender, which I find and give to you and you stop crying and you start smiling and then I notice to my mild dismay that YOUR HEAD IS COVERED IN BLOOD.

My boy is covered in blood. High holy hell almighty I'm gonna punch the universe because somehow my kid is covered in blood. OK don't panic. You're smiling at me and holding a little train coal tender in your tiny bloody hands and you're super excited that I found it and you're now looking for the train it goes with and I think you're about to start singing a little Thomas song to go along with your little happiness and it's really freaking me out because your doing all of this COVERED IN BLOOD.

"Hey little buddy"
"Hey Big Buddy"
"Um...can you come over here please?"
"You find my coal tender????"
"Um yeah I found it for you...but come here and sit down ok?"

So I start wiping blood off of my boy with a diaper wipe...and wiping and wiping and wiping. 1 diaper wipe. 2 diaper wipes. 3 diaper wipes. 4 diaper wipes. I wipe blood off his hands and face and chin and cheeks and forehead and then I get to the hair and its everywhere. Finally I find the source, a 4 mm laceration on his scalp. He sees the blood and amazingly seems to notice it for the first time.

"I have ouchy?"
"OH! A leeeshun?!?!"
"Yes boy you have a lesion."
"I Have leeeshun and my blooood?!?!"
"Oh OK!"

And back to train time.

It always sucks when your thinking stitch or no stitch. I'm poking and prodding his scalp and seeing how deep the laceration is and wondering if I should just superglue it but after a bit of pressure it stops bleeding and I grab some antibacterial ointment and slab a bean of it into his scalp.

"I have hair lotion?!!!?!"
"Yes Son"
"Oh OK!"

And back to train again.

"Um little buddy...what happened? To your head."
"OH OK! I was here (points to door) and then I hit my head here (makes a long arcing motion and smacks the corner of the train table)"

So from what I gather from your elaborate demonstration is that somehow you made some type of flying arcing journey through the air from the door to the corner of the train table. Wow....I would seriously think you'd be a bit more pissed. You nail the corner of the train table with your head and bleed all over the place but what seemed to really make you cry was the fact that in this process you misplaced the little coal tender that goes with one of your trains.

Tough on the outside, tender in the middle. I want to grow up to be just like you son.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds a pretty good way to be to me too.

1:56 PM

Blogger Yaniv said...

Way to keep a level head. I like to think I would have done as well, but I'm guessing I would have just freaked out.

3:06 PM

Blogger jjdaddyo said...

What, he didn't quote Patrick Swayze in Road House: "Pain don't hurt" or maybe Jesse Ventura in Predator "I ain't got time to bleed"?

2:03 PM


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