Kids, No Chaser

Prelabor, shmeelabor. Henri's version of Labor and delivery.

Monday, April 18, 2005 posted by Henri

So Cindy's too busy to post her tale so I guess I'll have to share the crazy arrival of the Conman. Conor's due date was May 1st so he was born weeks early. The Sunday before he was born, me and Cindy did the whole baby delivery training thing at Kaiser. We learned different birthing positions and massage techniques. We were taught what to expect during labor as well as stages of labor and induction techniques and epidural info. Blah blah blah, so anyways one morning Cindy's water broke but there were no contractions or even any previous Braxton Hicks contractions to speak of so we thought oh great this is a premature water breakage and they'll have to induce delivery within 24 hours (story continues...). So we also know that even if Cindy actually goes into labor we still have prelabor to go through so we really didnt want to go to the hospital yet. Kaiser wanted us to come in anyways so we thought what the heck. We started driving to Kaiser at 9:00 am. On the way Cindy started having real contractions so we thought oh wow this really is starting. So there's butt traffic and Cindy's really starting to have some big contractions. We finally get there in an hour (Cindy insisted we go to the ritzy Kaiser) and I drop her off at the emergency drop off (after the parking dude didn't want to open the gate. Im like DUDE! Wife in LABOR!) So I drop her off and then I have to park the car. So I go to park the car at the top floor of the parking building and I'm getting out of the car when I realize that I have a slice of pizza in the car. Im like...mmmm Pizza. I grabbed it when we were leaving the house. I thought well they have to check her in and she's gonna be in prelabor for like 4 hours an then active labor then pushing and all that sooooo might as well eat my pizza. Mmmmm pizza. So after the second bite it hits me...My wife is in labor and I'm sitting in my car eating a slice of pizza. I figure I better get off my ass and go find my wife, so I take the pizza with me. I finished it on the way out of the parking building and thought about how it would fuel me through the long hours of labor that lay ahead. So I find my way to labor and delivery and pass all the ultra cool security checks and look for my wife in triage. In triage they're like "Your wife? Oh no she's been moved to a room because she's delivering like right now." I'm like what the heck? There is no way she can be dilated already because we just got there and the first contraction was in the car ride over here. SO anyways they show me to her room and I walk in and inside is some lady that looks a lot like my wife but obviously is not because my wife doesnt make noises like "aHhhhhhfhrraagrr!!" So I try rubbing her back and telling her about my delicious pizza and she doesn't even notice that I'm there because she is busy bargaining with Buddha. Well to make a crazy story short, Conor literally popped out thirty minutes after Cindy waddled into the hospital. All natural without any epidural (we were planning to have mucho drugs) and we never got to do any of those cool birthing techniques. Soooo Conor conned us and came three weeks early weighing 6lbs 9 oz. If he had gone to full term they estimate like over 8 lbs cuz he was pretty big for a kid three weeks early. He's eating well and gaining a lot of weight. Poops lots and the kid can sleep like Myra.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry Cindy but I enjoyed Henri's story more...
Wowee thats quite a story!! Congratulations!! You are a natural! I only wish my labor had been that easy....

1:32 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the pictures! Conor already has such personality!! WHat a cutie

1:35 PM

Blogger Cindy said...

Thanks Carol, I'll stay behind the camera and let Henri do the narratives! haha, j/k! It's better actually, b/c I do better with less thinking required!

1:36 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

discovered via kimchi mamas--hilarious! i love your story--and thank you for sharing it.

7:36 PM


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