Kids, No Chaser

The Young Damien Hirst and Other Rainy Day Projects

Monday, February 16, 2009 posted by Henri

Rainy-Days

Uggg the rain. Yeah I'm not a rain person. I'm not a cold weather person either. Most people think it's ridiculous that I would consider Northern California as too rainy and too cold but....it is. And yes I do understand that compared with the rest of the world, the Yay Area has a comparably high warmth/dry score. Meh. Still too cold. Still too wet.

So we're all cooped up inside. The backyard is wet and my projects are tarped. We need some arts and crafty stuff. Ok I pick...Damien Hirst.

So after hunting around the house for half an hour looking for some type of dead animal to cut in half and preserve in formaldehyde, the thought occurred to me that what I really like about Damien Hirst is the relative diversity of his work. Maybe we weren't going to find any creature that we could embalm on this rainy day. Sorry kids. The closest we came was a hard boiled egg cut in half and pickled in separate jars to be titled "Eggs Separated". Hmmm I'm going to have to pursue that idea.

Well lucky for us Hirst has his uber-silly spin art paintings for us to pursue. Now I'm not going to get into the 'What Is Art' argument here. Basically this question is now and will always be completely in the control of the cultural gatekeepers in society. The definition is always in the air and shifts with the shift in who holds the reins from generation to generation. It's cultural...it's flexible. For me though...the Hirst spin paintings are dead and soulless. Which ties in perfectly with the themes pursued so well in his other work. Meh.

This isn't to say I have anything against spin art. For kids and a rainy day...sounds perfect. We need a spinnermabob.

Construction

So just get a box. Cut a hole. Tape a piece of egg carton to the middle. Then thumbtack a paper plate to it. Ta Da. Spin away.

Fire-it-up

Now this is a manual spinner that can't quite get up to a respectable RPM. So it's better for spirals and circles. If I had a bit more motivation I'd modify an orbital sander for some good dangerous times.

Nonetheless...I think the kids' work came out great.

Plates
spin

Next time kids, I'll promise to have a large mammal to cut in half.

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You Are My Julie

Saturday, February 14, 2009 posted by Henri

I was in 5th grade. Me and my buddy Mike had gotten his older sister to take us to the movies. It was a cold night...and we were warmed only by the fact that we were getting into an R-rated film. Little did I know, during the next two hours I was about to permanently form every notion I would ever hold about Love for the rest of my life. The year was 1983 and the film was Valley Girl.

Anyone who thinks for a second I am trying to be funny, seriously needs:

1) A good thrashing
2) To see this movie. Again.

Fast forward 15 years and I was....I kid you not....crashing an 80's valley girl theme party. I was wearing gigantic JNCO raver pants and wondering who's stupid idea it was to stop here before heading to Spundae when I saw my future wife in an asymmetric ponytail talking to other similarly dressed girls while her 80's decked boyfriend sat sullenly on a couch. Somewhere far off in my brain something seemed oddly familiar about this situation. This was interrupted by the overwhelmingly louder and more pressing question...What in god's name where we doing here????

We left. Quickly. No I did not turn around to sneak back and talk to that ponytailed girl. No we did not rush out to Hollywood, because we were in ummm Northern California. I guess I could have taken her to the Tenderloin, which is the closest thing to Hollywood I got up here. I strongly remember the plight of her boyfriend bedecked in 80's garb. I remember feeling really really bad for him. I remember thinking that there would be no way some girl could ever get me to do stupid things like that for her.

Fast forward 10 years and I'm married to her and blogging about making Christmas toffee. Who's laughing now eh??? You win 80's former boyfriend dude...you win by a mile.

Here's all I needed to know about love from the film Valley Girl.

Love Is Wonky: Yeah we're from two different worlds. That's the only way it works. Nerds and beauty queens. Punkers and Soc's. Fat and skinny. Tic Tac and Kodiak. Hollywood and the Valley. You and me. Of course we'd meet one day.

Real Love Deserves Grand Gestures: Ummm yeah. Do something stupid for those you love. Check. Happens all the time. Hell I blog about my kids. That's pretty lame. I know no shame. Love is embarrassing...and often. I may have never slept in your front yard, or taken a job at the local theater to pester you and your date, but I built you a bed to get you to go out with me and I once made toffee at your request. I told you I love you on the internet. That's pretty punk for a fat old former Kodiak chewing ex-Hollywood native with big-ass dusty raver pants still in his closet.

Music Is Everything: Our lives must always have a soundtrack. Keep the music on. Loud and Always.

When in Doubt Go To Du-Par's: Celebrate a new love or miss the one that got away with a cheeseburger, fries, milkshake and some precious time carved out of the chaos. The heart needs food. Apparently I have like 16 hearts or just one gigantic one because I am um...fat now.

Broken Heart? Hit the streets: Drunk in Hollywood nursing a broken heart. Repeat as needed. Haven't been back in awhile. Let's keep it that way.

If You're Cool You'll Hang Out at The Central (and listen to The Plimsouls): Now known as the Viper Room. Still my happy place.

Never Trust Blond Guys Doing Karate: Obviously. If still in doubt please see the Karate Kid.

In the End Love Will Sort Itself Out Just Right: In Hollywood at least. Strangely enough, I still await this to be proven wrong.

Happy Valentine's Day Baby. Like totally.

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Most Mondays

Tuesday, February 10, 2009 posted by Henri

academy-afrika

Our default Monday is spent at the California Academy of Sciences. Golden Gate Park is beautiful....as is the drive over this rickety old bridge soon to be replaced by some newfangled thingermabob.

academy-bridge

We usually think we're gonna save money by bringing our packed lunches which is an absolutely marvelous idea...until we break down and blow $20 on two desserts and 4 drinks. You know what though...only in San Francisco is this considered museum food.

academy-treats

Chef Charles Phan and Loretta Keller's Caramel pot de creme and the infamous ginger ice cream sandwich trapped in a little display case like an oddly otherworldly delicious ice cream creature.

It's all so worth it to give our little girl her weekly penguin fix.

academy-penguin

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In Case of Recession: Make This Pasta

Saturday, February 07, 2009 posted by Henri

pasta

Yeah so there's this thing called the recession. Times are tough and money's tight. Funny because growing up in my family no matter how much money was flowing into the family empire...times were ALWAYS considered tough and money was always tight. In a dramatic reenactment of a scene from the Cosby Show, one day my immigrant father sat me down to have a serious conversion about fiscal realities to hammer home the importance of cash flow and presumed volatilities and he threw in a sprinkling about swoptions and constructing derivatives....blah blah blah. Basically, the take home point was that, according to his financial analysis, a minimum family income to survive in 1980's America was $200,000.

Umm...wut?

Hey Dad I have my MBA now...I claim shenanigans. You know the funny thing is that his analysis was done in all seriousness. I am sure that there were some pretty big contingencies and assumed financial emergencies like ummm...accounting for a piano falling from the sky and knocking you out of work for a few decades or perhaps a Madoff or two in the mix. Basically I was raised in a home that never felt financially secure no matter how much money we had. I guess it's just the immigrant mentality.

Sometimes the best things in life are free....or at least inexpensive. And genetic spendthrift that I am...I'm always looking for value. In these tough times, it occurred to me that there is no better embodiment of value than making some homemade pasta. It combines entertainment for the kids with a cheap meal that just coincidentally tastes better than pretty much anything.

Yeah, make your own pasta. Make your family happy. Make your 200 large last longer.

atlas

Here's what's in it for dads: Gear. It's no Ferrari, heck it's not even a nice espresso maker, but I can afford an Italian pasta maker with multiple gears, a lot of chrome, and it's as heavy as a bench vise. It's still gear and gear is good.

For Kids: Play-Doh you can eat. Enough said.

For Moms: An afternoon your kids and husband are occupied and laughing and somehow in the end dinner is ready.

Ahhh the San Marzano tomato. It's 4 times the price of a normal tomato. But hell...a normal tomato is like a buck a can? You're worth it. Life's too short...you my friend, are absolutely worth 4 bucks. Buy San Marzano tomatoes and get all flossy.

marzano
(ummm...these tomatoes aren't real San Marzanos by the way...closest thing they had at the store today)

More Gear: Get a good food mill. Mill some San Marzanos. Get some garlic. A nice olive oil. Some good wine from the night before. Some fresh basil. Salt. That's it. Fry up some garlic in oil. Add the tomatoes and wine. Throw in half the basil now and half in the end. Fuggetaboutit.

Oh Meat? Oh yeah if you want to make a nice Sunday gravy then toss in a ton of meat and let it go all day. Pretty simple. But even without the meat, you've got all you need. Make sure you salt it enough. If it's lacking something....often it's a pinch more salt. Tomatoes are truly strange that way. Careful though because the San Marzanos usually come salted.

OK Pasta. Homemade pasta is really easy.

1 cup of flour
1 egg
some water
some salt

Seriously that's it. Don't mess around.

dough

Make a little flour volcano. Put the egg in. Throw in a few pinches of salt into the egg. Stir it up. Slowly let the egg eat up more and more flour. Add a bit of water when you need it. You should end up with something that has a Play-Doh texture. Knead it a bit, fold, smash, fold. Throw some chunks to the kids and let them mash away. Get it all together again and let it sit while you wait for the sauce to cook down.

Ahhh I forgot the most important part. Listen to some Coletrane. Drink some wine. Kiss your kids and your wife. You're not going to have enough of these nights.

Cranking

Throw some salted water on the stove to boil. Let your sauce cook down a bit. Break out the pasta maker to the raucous cheers from your kids. Mount it up, take out your sitting pasta dough ball. Rip the ball in half. Grab a piece and feed it to the machine. Fold it in half and feed it again. Repeat. Flour it up when it gets sticky so that it passes through the machine easily. The texture will get smooth and beautiful with each pass.

With fresh pasta I've found that I like it a bit thicker. Like a nickel thick. We usually cut it up into large squares rather than traditional pasta shapes. Like a giant pappardelle. If you don't have a pasta maker you can use a rolling pin. Just roll and fold and roll and fold and roll and fold etc etc. For fun you can cut shapes with a cookie cutter. Clean Play-Doh machines will technically work also.

sauce

Boil up your fresh pasta. Sauce it. Add some really nice parmigiano reggianno. You're worth it. Mangia. Mangia. You'll be amazed how much your kids eat.

You just fed your family for like 7 bucks (and the San Marzanos cost $4). Noice.

sauce2

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